Excerpt from Chapter One

Jaspen’s hood fell low over his face, trapping the luminescence that shone from his eyes. His soft-booted steps certain, he slipped through the corridors while the other two-leggeds on the space-faring ship slept. The view port caught his attention and he paused. To his eyes the pinpricks of stars seemed to shine with the brilliance of multiple suns. As an oreseeker he carried starlight within his eyes and therefore shunned the brightness outside; he averted his gaze from the seemingly endless pattern of space and an afterimage of bright spots danced across his vision. The radiance was painful to his sensitive eyes, yet he was grateful for it, for there was a terrible Darkness sweeping through the universe and the brightness of the stars meant that the thing was still far away. But Jaspen could feel the Dark Shadow out there, moving, stretching nearer. His bones ached at the thought for the Darkness that came was not the lush beauty and peace of the night; it was death.

Jaspen sighed from deep within his belly and moved on. Though his body had aged little, he had walked past this view port almost daily for the last fifty-four years. And for the last eleven of those years his heart had carried a burden of pain, caused not by the encroaching Darkness, but by Serall’s death. Though she had never been his, he loved her still. The glow from his eyes illuminated the slick gray walls; a sheen as familiar and detestable to him as his loneliness

The oreseeker slid down the steps leading to the zaddacks’ lair just outside the crysolium chamber. Jaspen’s footsteps alerted the male zaddack, Terru, who raised his head and blinked sleepy golden eyes. He lay snuggly against his mate, the two zaddacks were twined around each other and the comforting sound of the female’s quiet snoring went on uninterrupted.

Jaspen traveled smoothly along the flooring, his cloak billowing at his heels. He kneeled and reached a pale-skinned hand to gently stroke the bristled fur on top of Terru’s head. The male zaddack yawned. In the luminescence from Jaspen’s eyes the zaddack’s jagged teeth glimmered, like a dozen bone-forged knives in moonlight. Terru’s fur felt familiar against the oreseeker’s fingers, though Jaspen knew if there had been others around Terru would not have submitted to this touch; it was not the zaddack’s way. But every twenty-seven hours when the lights went off to simulate night, Jaspen uncovered his eyes and roamed freely, coming here, and always paying homage to the zaddacks. And they allowed it—for the time of dark belonged to Jaspen.

They understood one another, these zaddacks and oreseeker. History forged a connection; there was a knowing that bound them together and transcended interspecies walls. Jaspen had loved Serall, the human that had been mind Bonded with Kafa, the mother of Ryn, the female zaddack who nestled here with Terru.

Ryn slept on as Jaspen fondled Terru’s rough fur in his hands. The warmth from the zaddacks rose to greet Jaspen like heat from fire in a chilly cave. He smiled at how well the zaddacks fit together, the smaller female with her delicate paws and Terru’s larger versions; the shadowed outlines of brindled markings on their furred-skin. Jaspen sighed, a sound full of yearning to belong to another, as these two did to each other. Unable to resist, Jaspen eased his body down to lay next to the zaddacks. He shut his glowing eyes then and listened to the slow rhythmic breathing of Ryn, feeling the twitch of her paws as she dreamt of some far off thing. He could sense her as a rich jumble of color inside his head.

Terru exhaled deeply, a sound of contentment, which made Jaspen’s heart contract. The male zaddack lowered his head and rested his muzzle on Jaspen’s shoulder. The oreseeker timed his breathing with Terru’s and he imagined what it was like to travel on four paws instead of two. While Jaspen lay there, he belonged. Familiar warmth suffused through him and once more he was thankful that the zaddacks had come through stasis unscathed.

# # #

Jaspen had no idea how much later it was when he woke. The ship remained dark and the zaddacks still slept. Reluctantly he pulled away from the shimmering warmth. Terru opened one eye, blinked, then closed it again.

Jaspen stood and the chill of the outer crysolium chamber penetrated his cloak. He pulled his cloak tighter about him and moved to the inner wall. Here he struggled with the solid weight of the door that led to the inner crysolium chamber, pushing it open and shut behind him with the weight of his body. He looked around and a familiar sense enveloped him. Though there was no one else inside, he was not alone.

A smallish lump of crysolium sat in the center of the circular chamber, a large piece of ore by some standards in the universe—minute by others. Jaspen shoved back his hood and the light from his eyes sprang forward in the darkness. With his unique vision he could see that the c-ore pulsed with life—the mentor’s mindspark lay within.

Jaspen moved close to the ore and dared to touch it; high risk considering if he were to drop dead at that instant his own mindspark would be absorbed by the crysolium. He stepped back a pace and sat down while pulling a medallion from the pocket of his cloak. Shaped with two concentric circles the pendant called Spiriteye generated warmth in his palm as the metal responded to the close proximity of the life force within the crysolium.

The oreseeker raised the pendant so that he could see through the center of it and the space between the circles misted. Jaspen looked beyond the Spiriteye to the structure of the ore where lacy strings of pulsating energy danced. He greeted mentor, the noble spirit whose bodily death had given them fuel, and therefore life to those on this ship.

Mentor’s mindspark had been powering the ship, the life force spewing into the void of space, for decades now as they headed toward old Earth. Fragments of the creature’s spark were lost forever in the interstellar darkness outside the ship. But mentor had not been an ordinary creature; it had been a singular species with full use of energy, able to create green life amidst the icy world on which it had lived. So, when Jaspen watched the threads of life energy that still remained within the ore he could easily sense mentor’s still strong capacity.

One of the energy threads swayed, curving back in on itself in response to the oreseeker’s mental hello. Jaspen watched through the Spiriteye and saw a red filament reach toward him; it shot out and touched the medallion. The circular metalloid flared, as if it had caught on fire, but the brightness of spirit did not damage Jaspen’s sensitive eyes.

He grinned as the string of energy wriggled through the pendant and cavorted around his head like a rainbow lightning storm at night. The sense of mentor was so strong it was as if the large white-furred creature actually stood within the chamber, tusks and all.

Jaspen thanked the mentor once more for infusing the c-ore with its life spark and providing them with fuel.

Mentor’s mindspark interrupted the ritualistic thank you. Oreseeker, you honor me with your presence once more. The words were not spoken, but projected into Jaspen’s mind making it feel like a conversation that had already taken place. You are restless.

Though I fear it, I’m anxious to be off this ship and to do something more useful. Jaspen answered from the core of his thoughts.

The mentor’s musical laugh echoed in Jaspen’s mind. If you had the joy of truly understanding the essence of time you would have no restlessness. Everything that you perceive has yet to happen has already occurred. Everything that is past has not yet occurred.

Jaspen was used to receiving such thoughts from mentor but even after years he felt no wiser for it. Sometimes he would try and stretch his thinking in order to fully encompass what mentor was trying to tell him, but most often the ideas only jumbled in his mind to later haunt him with confusion.

Your mind is closed tonight, oreseeker. And you have the aura of zaddack about you. There was a pause while mentor waited for his response.

I rested within the hearth of their warmth before I came into this chamber.

That is good, for it may fall on you to remind others that the zaddacks are Ones Who Know, mentor’s thoughts flowed smoothly into Jaspen, once you are on old Earth.

I’ll remember. But I’m sure if I forget you’ll remind me.

No. I will not be there to remind you. Now that we draw nearer old Earth I have a request of you, Jaspen. The word thoughts were crystal clear.

If you will not be here in the crysolium, where will you be? A kernel of despair hardened in the pit of Jaspen’s stomach. Are you more depleted than it appears to me?

I am already not here. Mentor thought laughed again, a sound of goodness. It’s true that much of me has already gone to the void between the stars. Each time we have been planet-bound or changed course, more of me has gone. I have done what I can; now I wish you to set my energy free. Mentor’s thoughts became more subdued. Just after the ship has landed safely on Earth, use your abilities and the Spiriteye to pull what remains of my mindspark from this crysolium. I do not wish to remain.

We could just have the Bioguard heat the chamber and purge your energy out through the fuel spouts, couldn’t we?

No. Mentor’s mental tone was emphatic. Purging is crude. It alters the pure form of the mindspark, scattering it into irretrievable bits like those parts of me that became fuel. I wish to have intact, what remains of me. It was of my choosing to place my energy here within the matrix of the crysolium. I did it for Terru and Ryn and all of you on the ship. But once you land my task is complete. Do not condemn me to entrapment within this structure, a fate between life and death. There will be no more that I can do and it is not for me to remain here when the great battle with the Dark Shadow comes to pass.

Of course I’ll do whatever you ask of me, Jaspen’s bright eyes dimmed, but… He stopped thinking for a moment in order to let his selfishness go. Then he thought simply, I’ll do as you desire though what you ask of me will be difficult. Only once have I tried to manipulate energy within crysolium and at that time I had Serall’s help.

The task will be simple because there is only me in here—there is no energy from others to untangle. And you have the pendant. Believe what I say. You will find this task doable. And you should be cautious about telling others you have this ability. Be warned—beware the power you hold. There was a long silent pause. Do as I ask.

All right. Jaspen frowned, his mind full of sorrow. When I set the remainder of your energy free, I will truly be alone.

Do not fear, oreseeker. You will not be alone. Someday if you allow it, your heart will not ache as it does now. Remember that the way of the universe is the way of the universe and everything comes full circle.

I don’t know if I have the strength to accomplish all you ask of me. Jaspen felt weak after he heard his own thoughts. I am feeling sorry for myself.

There is a time for that, a time for action, and a time to understand that when there is nothing to be done about something it is best to accept and let it be. Like this great Darkness—this Shadow of creation which comes.

Are you saying that we should just lie down and wait for the Darkness to take our lives away? Jaspen hunkered down tighter into his cloak.

Oreseeker, you most of all should understand that within the dark lies the light. There cannot be one without the other.

I know the beauty of the dark and I know the splendid secrets of the shadows. But this Dark thing that is coming from the edge of the unknown will destroy us all. It is not ordinary darkness.

I know. I can envision a moment at the beginning of time, a moment when the light of creation cast the coils of darkness away—shunning the dark so it became but a mere Shadow of creation. But this Shadow is something I myself have never touched so I cannot truly know its essence. Mentor’s thoughts paused and there was a deep churning sensation. Clearly this Dark is beyond the scope of what I am and what I understand. It is possible that if I were still fully myself I would be able to reach outward and sift through the Shadow in order to understand more. But as the Darkness grows ever closer I grow more dim. To save what is left, that is why I request my release.

Mentor, when I release your energy, where will you go? What’s death really like? Jaspen held his breath as this question, long on his mind, slipped into his thoughts.

The silence within the crysolium chamber echoed dramatically inside Jaspen’s skull. He feared his question was somehow inappropriate and that he had driven mentor’s thoughts from his mind. Yet, he could still see the pulsating rhythm within the ore, like a powerful creature in hiding.

Everything is perception. Mentor’s thoughts curled around Jaspen’s brain like hands holding a baby. As mentor went on Jaspen thought he heard the far off sound of trickling water and the song of wind in the trees.

Right now, with part of myself here in the ore’s matrix, and other parts spread behind the ship, I am not whole. But when I think-speak with you it feels to me as if you, with your mindspark still contained within your physical self, are less whole than me for you can’t see… even with your eyes you can’t see the truth of what surrounds you.

What truth?

The truth of who and what you are. I can’t tell you what your body’s death will be to you for each being has its own place to step in death, just as in life. But you are never alone. I think that without your body you would not feel set apart from the others as you do now. We are all uniquely who we are, but we, all species, are the same.

How can something be different and the same?

That is something you already know. The essence of my energy you see now in the c-ore is the vital spark of life, the critical essence. Without physical separation all is the same—it is a wonder worth dying for.

If that’s true, why should we fight to stay alive? Why not just let ourselves go? Why do we fear death?

Because the steps you take while within your body determine the path you will walk in death. Something inside you, your body, knows that and wants to keep you there until you are done. The lust for a physical life is remarkably powerful. But the Dark Shadow that is coming from the edges of beyond may bring something worse than premature death. The eternal world rumbles with its presence. But even I cannot see past the veil to what will be after the Shadow comes. I, too, feel fear.

Fear is better than loneliness. Jaspen’s eyes watered and he blinked, closing off their light for an instant. Mentor, I long to join you. I’m tired of going on as I am. There are no others like myself and I’d rather start over, not so alone.

You still miss the human female Serall.

Yes. Jaspen knew he could not cloud the truth from mentor. Even though she belonged to another while she was alive I always loved her. After a time I could hide the depth of my feelings so she did not know, but inside myself I always hoped that someday… Jaspen shook his head in anguish.

In life you hoped one day she might be yours—that she would see the strength of your love for her and be drawn to it like an oreseeker to darkness. Now your mind shows me what it has not revealed before. I see that with her death you hoped she might come to you—that you, with your eyes, would be able to see her mindspark as you see me within the crysolium now. Finally then, with her physical death, you would have a part of her no one else did.

Yes. Jaspen hung his head, embarrassed by the truth. When I first saw Serall, before I changed into oreseeker, I was the one who could really see her when others could not. A burning heat tightened his chest.

Oreseeker, even then, though there were no physical signs, you were beginning to change into what you are now.

Why did I become, Jaspen gestured to his eyes as if mentor could still see his physical self, as I am?

This is something you have never asked me. Mentor’s thoughts were smooth and calm. Each time you have come to speak with me there is a wall behind which you hide many of your feelings. The energy around you is weighted with sorrow. You associate your change into oreseeker with Serall. You have not wanted me to touch that pain.

I’m afraid. Jaspen realized he was no longer holding the medallion yet the mentor’s word thoughts were undiminished in clarity.

That if you let your feelings out…

Yes. That if I let them out I’ll certainly drown under the weight of my loss and my differentness. Then what is barely tolerable now will be unendurable. The thoughts tumbled forth from his mind and he felt the reality of them. His cloak was suddenly too thin. He shivered. “Why did I have to change?” The last thought was echoed with his voice. “Why?”

I wish I could offer you comfort but the pain is your own. It is for you to find a way to peace.

When I think of how I must live now, and how I can never love again, I wonder what the point is. Every time I see the light from my eyes on someone or something, I am reminded of Serall and wonder if I brought the change upon myself so that I could be like the oreseeker Runak whom she once loved. My love for Serall was that strong. He paused then spoke out loud. “When Serall died, did you feel her energy?” Jaspen was ashamed at the hunger in his words.

There was a long silence before mentor thought spoke again. No. I myself wished I’d known her physical self before my body death. Through her mate Jeriah, and then through you, I learned there was much about her I would have liked—just as there was much about Jeriah that I came to admire. I miss his mindspark.

In the short time I knew Jeriah before my body died, I came to understand the vistas of the human mind—he taught me much of tenacity. The words stopped flowing into Jaspen’s mind for many moments. The crysolium chamber was still and dark save for the ghostly embers of the oreseeker’s eyes.

Do you think Jeriah and Serall are together in death? Jaspen’s thought was ringed with pain.

While they lived I could see that their bond of love was not one which transcends bodily death. It was a fate meant to bring learning in this one life only.

She is alone, then. Jaspen’s eyes glittered and his chest loosened. He felt a stab of something akin to pleasure and hated himself for it.

As I said earlier no one is alone but in the sense you mean, yes. Their energies are no longer together. Mentor’s mental tone was suddenly tinged with curiosity. This gives you good feelings?

Yes. I’m ashamed but it does. I suppose I’ve been thinking that if they were to spend eternity together she would never… she would not…

Remember you.

“Yes.” Jaspen’s loudly whispered word hung in the darkness of the chamber.

Jaspen, mentor’s thought was quiet, it may come to be that your love for the dead human will be your undoing. You have much energy tied up into what wasn’t and what can never be.

I know. Jaspen rocked onto his heels to comfort himself. I know it’s senseless but I can’t let go of her. It’s as if the image of Serall is burned permanently into the network of my mind and everything I think goes through that reflection of her. I hope that with my own death I find release from this torture.

Be careful, Jaspen, what you desire.



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